Letting Go and Moving On

After returning from spending the summer at Broken Arrow Bible Ranch, God has really been impressing upon me what it means to completely surrender- my life is not my own. With God's grace, I've been able to stay faithful to my daily devotions and I recognize how much I need to be spending time with Him before my busy (and often crazy) day would begin. One Sunday morning, on the way to church, I heard something on the radio that prompted a sudden thought (I know now it was clearly from God)-"You need to move home with family and save money so that when I (God) open the door to new expanses, nothing will hinder you." I was surprised, but let it go as I went into church. Greg, our pastor, preached about submitting to God's word and His work- our lives are no longer our own, Christ lives in us. It got my attention after earlier that morning. I was afraid to mention it to my family because of what their responses may be, but God opened the door for me to bring it up with my mom within the next week. Amazingly, she agreed and said that time is too short to put off what God clearly directs us to do. Then I had to figure out how to talk it over with my sister, and again God opened the door.  She agreed and mentioned that God may have had her look at apartments in the spring for such a time as this. It would work out well, since our lease is up in October. I kept praying and seeking direction from God and those I trust. 

I knew moving home would only be a stepping stone, but it would involve giving up a lot of my possessions. God is testing me to see if, like the rich young ruler in the Bible, I'm going to sorrowfully turn away. Mark 10:21-22 MSG "Jesus looked him hard in the eye—and loved him! He said, "There’s one thing left: Go sell whatever you own and give it to the poor. All your wealth will then be heavenly wealth. And come follow me.” The man’s face clouded over. This was the last thing he expected to hear, and he walked off with a heavy heart. He was holding on tight to a lot of things, and not about to let go." It isn't easy to give my things away and at times I want to hold on. But God reminds me these things are temporary and laying up treasures in Heaven will last forever.

Several things confirmed God's direction for both Hannah and me. What a peace to walk in the center of His will! So at the beginning of November I'll move home and Hannah will move into her own apartment (her first time living alone). I will continue to do as God directs, when He tells me. I don't know what's ahead. I do know that God wants to take me to places I've never been and to heights I can't imagine. I am done with being so afraid of taking a wrong step that I fail to take any step at all (which I've done for too long). He wants to accomplish great things in and through me that can only happen if I'm living by faith. Jeremiah 42:3 "Show me the way in which I should walk and the thing I should do." Proverbs 16:9 "A man's heart plans his way, but the Lord directs his steps." God is teaching me to take bigger steps of faith in order to prepare me for what He's calling me to do in the future. He's showing me that I miss out on His blessings if I'm not willing to do the things He's already revealed to me. 

So, all this to say, "Lord, have Your way with me. I'm ready and willing to let go and take this leap of faith."

"Help Me Find It" by Sidewalk Prophets

I don’t know where to go from here
It all used to seem so clear
I’m finding I can’t do this on my own

I don’t know where to go from here
As long as I know that You are near
I’m done fighting
I’m finally letting go

I will trust in You
You’ve never failed before
I will trust in You

If there’s a road I should walk
Help me find it
If I need to be still
Give me peace for the moment
Whatever Your will
Whatever Your will
Can you help me find it
Can you help me find it

I’m giving You fear and You give faith
I'm giving you doubt
You give me grace
For every step I’ve never been alone

Even when it hurts, You’ll have Your way
Even in the valley I will say
With every breath
You’ve never let me go

I will wait for You
You’ve never failed before
I will wait for You

 

I lift my empty hands (come fill me up again)
Have Your way my King (I give my all to You)
I lift my eyes again (Was blind but now I see)
‘Cause You are all I need

 

AN UPDATE ON THE FINAL WEEKS OF MY SUMMER COMING SOON!

BABR Summer 2014 Weeks 3-6 Updates

Camp week 3....
I'm standing in awe of an amazing night! Three of my campers had me pray for them before they sang at skit night and overcame severe stage fright.

Five of my campers stayed behind after chapel (including one I've prayed for all week to talk to me) and one accepted Christ! Lots of campers shared at campfire including Beth- God is so working in her life. How amazing is our God!

our cabin got cabin of the week

Camp week 4....
160+ campers signed up for this week. I'm not praying for smoothness necessarily but that we would unite as staff for one purpose for the sake of campers' souls, and support each other. And for good health and strength to do what God has called us to do. Something I've always struggled with is doing something I'm not good at, because of the feeling of failure. But this week I got victory in one area- basketball. I am a terrible player (getting better), but yesterday I played 3 hours with a couple of my campers. I learned quickly not to say no when a camper asks. It was exhausting, but to see one camper go from quiet to talking and laughing was well worth the hardships. There was no judgement, just friendly competition. When I lay aside my self imposed limitations God can work through me. (And yes she beat me badly but that's ok.) God again proved to me His ways are perfect. A great campfire with campers and staff sharing parts of their testimonies. My six girls continue to open up. I'm incredibly grateful God allowed my path to head down this direction at this time.

I had a really good time with an amazing group of friends. So many laughs and just having fun together (football, pingpong, basketball). Mesa Verde National Park was beautiful- ladders, tunnel, cliff dwelling tour, etc. Got some rest on the drive. The fireworks were really pretty (first I'd seen in 4 years with a pregame of duck,duck,goose). We needed to have a mini getaway before our last four weeks of camp. 

Camp week 5...
This was a Thursday to go down in history for me. Two words- spider rock (or fire rock). At skit night I was called up, tied up with rope to keep me from running, and kissed by two young gentlemen. Upside: my stage fright is gone and my personal bubble is popped! More seriously, my campers have all opened up and shared some of their stories. At campfire we had to cut the line off due to time because so many got up to share. My heart broke as I listened to all the pain and loss these young campers have experienced. Josh ended well by reading John 16:33 "I have told you these things so that in me you may have peace. In this world you may have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world." 

Playing volleyball and mission impossible in the rain yesterday was a flashback to my summers in Kodiak, Alaska. So much needed rain but oh so muddy and chilly. At bedtime as I looked at my sand/mud/rain covered campers, who had smiles on their faces, I had to smile too.

What a wonderful truth to remember that God calls me to live supernaturally and has empowered me to do so! The Holy Spirit enables me to live beyond myself- to transcend my natural tendencies- as I fix my eyes on Him and not on the problems of this world.
 
Camp week 6...
This week included sick camper, crazy lightning storm (close enough to flutter my heart!!), severe flooding outside and inside, power outages last night and this morning meaning no water too, etc. Whew. God is teaching us something. I will praise Him in the storm!!!Last junior week is over. This week was filled with laughter, tears, joy at the salvation of my camper, meaningful conversations, new relationships, hours of basketball, trials, and so many blessings. The bonds I formed with my campers are hard to describe. I'm blessed to work alongside a staff that can see me at my strongest and craziest moments and love me anyway. Two teen weeks to go!

weekend staff trip to El Morro