As my countdown to leaving for Haiti (for the first but not last time) draws to a close, I have so many things I am reflecting upon. Currently, I am finishing packing and am realizing that I have so much "stuff" but NEED so little of it. I don't need 15 skirts or 20 shirts or 10 pairs of pants. That's a luxury that so many people around the world don't have. I have to ask why I have so much. Is it because I expect to find happiness in the amount of stuff I have? God's been speaking to me about simplifying my life, but I still have far to go.

Yesterday, I had lunch with the other team members and was so thankful we got to know each other better- each one has so much to contribute to this trip. We heard from Elise, our trip leader, that the airline we were supposed to take from Port-au-Prince to Port-de-Paix has closed down. They are looking into other options, possibly another airline or a 6 hour bus ride. In the past I would have been anxious or worried about the changes, but God has brought me to a place of complete peace knowing life with Him is an adventure. I'm learning to enjoy the adventure. This won't be the only thing that seems to go "wrong", but each time I'll remind myself that He's in complete control and look for the blessings in disguise. (And hey, with a bus trip we get to see a lot more of Haiti!)

In church the sermon was about the tension between passion and patience. There must be a balance between our zeal for what God has called us to (our life's purpose) and not being so overbearing that we push others away. I have a passion for missions, especially Haiti, but God may ask me to quietly wait for His perfect timing to be revealed.

At youth group I was able to explain to the teens where I was going to be the next several weeks- Haiti then New Mexico- and they had a time of prayer for me. It was a blessing to hear the teens pray for our safety and the ways God is going to use us. I believe many of these youth are catching the vision. I see how God is allowing me to connect with many of them and how much I'm going to miss them in the weeks I'm gone. 

Also yesterday I had the privilege to talk with a couple who have been so inspirational to me. The Lord has led Mark and Jen Bettinger and their three children to move to Africa this year. They have sold or given away most of their belongings (including their house). They are a living example of what it truly means to surrender everything to God. They are living transparent lives, acknowledging it is not always easy but totally worth it. It's a sacrifice on many levels, but with overwhelming rewards. I can't wait to see how God uses them to do amazing things!

So, in 3 days I will take the next step He has shown me and trust Him to open or close doors along the way.

Help Me Find It- Sidewalk Prophets
(partial lyrics)

 
I don't know where to go from here 
It all used to seem so clear  
I'm finding I can't do this on my own
As long as I know that You are near 
I'm done fighting, I'm finally letting go
I will trust in You  
You've never failed before.

If there's a road I should walk 
Help me find it, if I need to be still  
Give me peace for the moment  
Whatever Your will, whatever Your will
Can you help me find it? Can you help me find it?
I'm giving You fear and You give faith
I'm giving you doubt, You give me grace  
For every step I've never been alone.

Since I've decided to go to Haiti, I've had people question my decision, asking if it's really God's call to uproot from my comfortable life here to go to such a place. I will admit to someone who doesn't understand who God is, it does seem crazy. I owe Him my life. He has saved me and blessed me in indescribable ways. He commands us to go into all the world to share the reason for our hope. That could be right here or that could be somewhere else. The children at our church tonight put on a program called "The Tale of Three Trees". The message was that each tree had a dream of what it wanted to be. They were disappointed when it didn't work out the way they planned. They eventually realized God had a much bigger and better plan for them. Maybe our lives are not going the direction we hoped they would. God sees the big picture, and if we are willing to let Him move us, we will end up in the perfect place at the perfect time. So, if walking by faith seems crazy by the world's standards, I'm okay with that. Someone shared the lyrics of Steven Curtis Chapman's song "Something Crazy" with me and they seemed fitting for what God is showing me at this time.

He's got a Bible and a megaphone standing on the corner
And everybody's saying he's crazy
Well, does he really think anybody wants to hear
What he has to say?

He's not screaming at anybody, in fact it's as if it's a love story
That he's trying to tell them
And he knows it may look a little strange
But he just smiles and says, "That's okay
'Cause you know sometimes love makes you act that way”

And it's crazy when love gets a hold of you
And it's crazy things that love will make you do
And it's crazy but it's true, you really don't know love at all
‘Til it's making you do something crazy

I know a lady in Uganda, forty kids call her momma
And everybody thought it was crazy
She used to drive a Beemer but I've never seen her
Any happier than she is now 

I've met them all around the world, they're the boys and the girls
Filled up with the love of the Father
And they know it may look a little strange
But they just smile and say, "That's alright
‘Cause love puts everything in a different light”

Well, some might say it's a crazy thing
To believe in a man who would say He came
From Heaven down to earth because of love
But I just smile and say, "That's okay
‘Cause you know sometimes love makes you act that way”

Crazy when love gets a hold of you
And it's crazy things that love will make you do
And it's crazy but it's true, you really don't know love at all
Until it's making you do something crazy

A change in my thinking

19 days until I leave for Haiti! I am so excited. We had our group meeting today at EIU Christian Campus House. One final meeting in April and we will be leaving. There are eight of us in this group. We each shared what we learned researching different topics about Haiti. I know I learned so much more about the current state of Haiti. A group from EIU CCH just came back from Costa Rica and they shared with us things that might be helpful to know going on a mission trip. A couple of things really stuck out to me. One was to not go with a preset agenda or preset expectations. Sometimes I immediately start my list of what I want to happen when I go somewhere. The truth is, I don't know exactly how God wants to use me. If I go with a preset agenda, I will end up being disappointed that things aren't going the way I think they should. What God has planned far surpasses what I could ever expect. I want to go with the mindset that I will be flexible and open to God's leading. I will be looking for God in the little things, the seemingly insignificant moments of each day. Another thing that was stressed is to build relationships with people- the staff, the students, the other team members. The relationships I begin building will continue far after I leave Haiti. I have to make a conscious decision to listen and ask questions. So, as the days get closer, I am reevaluating what I want to get from this short trip to Haiti. My expectation is to watch God work in me and through me. The time will fly and I don't want any regrets about what I did or didn't do with what God has given me.

Relay for Life

Hannah and I went to Relay for Life at EIU for 4 hours tonight. I wanted to support Hannah and the team she was a part of. I had no idea the impact it would have on me. I was able to hold back the sobs as survivors walked the first lap and their families joined them. It was awesome to see people that came through such a difficult ordeal. I held back tears as several survivors gave testimonies of their long journeys. However, I lost it when we lit bags with names of people to honor that surrounded the gym. I bought one for Angela Taylor, who went home to be with the Lord, and Hannah bought one for my Grandma Lowery, who survived cancer. I cried tears of sorrow for the many I lost to cancer this last year. I cried tears of joy for those I know who have survived. I am thankful for my sister grabbing my hand as we walked silently around the gym. Together we remembered. Tonight I saw hope, joy, pain, sorrow, and determination on the faces of many of the walkers. It was the first time I have participated, but it won't be the last! 

30 Days of Prayer

God has led me to pray each day this month for something specific regarding my mission trips this summer. I am sharing these so that you can stand with me in prayer (as God leads you) as I prepare and am gone May through July. I have a certainty in my heart that this time is preparing me for something bigger, so I want to cover it in prayer.

Day 1: Financial Fundraising- God is providing what I need, when I need it!
Day 2: Spiritual discipline to be in the Word daily- stand on the truth
Day 3: Wisdom on what to do or not do- how to help the people, not hurt them
Day 4: Relationships with my teammates- that we'd be one minded and build lasting friendships
Day 5: Leadership at Sonlight as they make decisions about the school- the teachers
Day 6: Leaders of Haitian Christian Outreach- the organization we r working with the 2nd part of trip
Day 7: Leadership at Broken Arrow Bible Ranch- full time staff as they prepare for and run camp
Day 8: Stability of the economy in Haiti
Day 9: Open hearts for those we talk to in Haiti and New Mexico- campers in my cabin
Day 10: That I'd be open to the Spirit's leading every moment
Day 11: Patience with myself and others
Day 12: Humility
Day 13: Protection from spiritual warfare- the enemy rages when God works
Day 14: That God would give me the words to say when I need them- or just be quiet and listen
Day 15: Boldness to share the Gospel and speak the truth
Day 16: Unconditional love for those I serve- not judgmental
Day 17: Faithfulness in everything, even the seemingly insignificant things
Day 18: Peace, especially in the midst of trials and turmoil
Day 19: Positive attitude not dependent on emotions or circumstances
Day 20: That joy would permeate from my life
Day 21: Open doors for the future God has for me- in His timing
Day 22: Willingness to jump in and do whatever is needed
Day 23: Strong prayer life- not worry but take everything to God
Day 24: That I'd be content with what I have and where I'm at
Day 25: That God would bring others into my life to walk this journey with me
Day 26: Good weather
Day 27: Safety in all the activities we do
Day 28: Emotional strength to process what I see and hear- Haiti will be quite different
Day 29: Physical strength- it has to come from God, because I have learned I can't do it on my own! (not be too exhausted or sick)
Day 30: Safe traveling- that all our flights would be on time, traveling around Haiti